At times, I regret having taken such a drastic step. The first one hurts like hell. The second one bleeds everytime I remove it for cleaning. I get full of regrets when I sight blood.

At other times, when I watch Miami Ink or see people with pierced eyebrows, lips and tongues walking by, I am overcome by temptation to feel pain once again.

Saturday’s been a family day for me. It started off with just some solitude but when Mom came back from grocery shopping and made dough pudding, we talked all afternoon. Hours of just plain talking about life. My brother joined us with his stories. We just missed having my sister and Dad around. I was actually appalled at how easily I could talk to Mom about my problems. About everything and everyone. Even Hardeep. And this is the same person I used to rebel against when I was 14. Strange how relationships mature. Now my family members are my bestest friends.

Later that night, we ordered pizza and had a family dinner in front of the TV.

Last week’s been superb, my girls, Sam and Aru, finally turned 18. Yeah, man ! Lucky them…
To start of their birthday, we surprised both of them with a cake for lunch. They really had no idea that we would have surprised them.
It was a really good feeling to see their contented faces. It’s nice to see touched hearts.

On Friday, the crew surprised them with more sweet things. Though I wasn’t there to be part of it and all (my bad, I couldn’t wake up), I had heard what was in store for Aru and Sam. Sarah wanted to surprise both with balloons on Aru’s birthday. It must have been a wonderful occasion for the birthday girls. My wishes out to you all.

Done with it. Had enough of it. Just want it notched down a little. End product - simple life.

Over the weekend, having felt that I had enough of running away from my problems, I assured myself that I am going to make the effort to straighten some things out and forget the damned forsaken past. But, you see, the feeling of uncertainty just seeps in. Having been used as a social ladder before and then dumped as though my presence made no difference has no doubt left a deep scar. And I just can’t seem to heal no matter what. It troubles me every now and then. I have tried to bury the betrayal and move on. I am succeeding with the aid of others.

Then again, when everything seems settled, reality just hits hard. Life is boring without the spice of pain and extreme pleasure. It is kind of strange. One moment, I want to rid all my discomfort; the next, I want to bring in some spice into my life. It kind of creates turmoil too. It just conjures uproar in the routine of life.

But hell breaks loose at this moment. What I have yearned for, what I have hated to feel just comes back. And I am overwhelmed by its intensity.

Name:
Kiranjeet Kaur


Birthday:
15 December


Birthplace:
Singapore


Current Location:
Still Singapore


Eye Color:
Black


Hair Color:
Black


Height:
5’7”


Right Handed or Left Handed:
Right


Your Heritage:
Sikhism


The Shoes You Wore Today:
Power


Your Weakness:
Me, myself and I


Your Fears:
Losing those close to me


Your Perfect Pizza:
A cross between Hawaiian and curry flavour


Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:
Work out all matters that lie between some of my crew…and maintain my GPA


Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
Hey wassup, Yeah, haha


Thoughts First Waking Up:
Shit…School again!


Your Best Physical Feature:
How can I mention this without sounding vain?


Your Bedtime:
11


Your Most Missed Memory:
My trip to New York…Sad thing is I didn’t spend much time there to be able to cherish it wholly


Pepsi or Coke:
Diet Pepsi…flat


MacDonalds or Burger King:
Burger King…Nothing beats grilled chicken whopper


Single or Group Dates:
Single…Who does groups anyways??


Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
Not into tea as much as coffee


Chocolate or Vanilla:
Dark Chocolate


Cappuccino or Coffee:
Double expresso


Do you Smoke:
Hell, no!


Do you Swear:
Yeah…Once in a blue moon…Which occurs too often nowadays


Do you Sing:
In the bathroom


Do you Shower Daily:
Oh yeah!


Have you Been in Love:
I doubt so…is Jay counted?


Do you want to go to College:
I have no choice, do I? I have to survive in this ruthless country somehow


Do you want to get Married:
Yup


Do you believe in yourself:
Why wouldn’t I?


Do you get Motion Sickness:
Nope


Do you think you are Attractive:
In some sense, I suppose,,,I am no girl next door…I don’t know where my beauty lies either…

But everyone, in some way or the other is attractive


Are you a Health Freak:
I wasn’t at first…Then I became…Now, no…


Do you get along with your Parents:
They are the best that have happened to me…They’ve been there for me at all times…Love them to the max!!!!!!!!!!


Do you like Thunderstorms:
Yeah…One helluva turn on, I tell you!


Do you play an Instrument:
Nope


In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:
Nope


In the past month have you Smoked:
Yeah…smoked my way through lessons…as always


In the past month have you been on Drugs:
I don’t do drugs


In the past month have you gone on a Date:
Nope…Happy to be singleJ


In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
Plenty a times


In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
Nope…I have passed that age…


In the past month have you eaten Sushi:
I don’t do raw food either


In the past month have you been on Stage:
Nope


In the past month have you been Dumped:
Let me get a date first…Then we’ll see who dumps who…


In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:
Weird! No!


In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
Someone’s peace…


Ever been Drunk:
I don’t drink…


Ever been called a Tease:
Yeah…major


Ever been Beaten up:
Who would dare to…


Ever Shoplifted:
Nope


How do you want to Die:
Ahem*…in my sleep…painlessly…


What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
Gynaecologist


What country would you most like to Visit:
England, England, Bila, Bila!



Sister/s:
1

Brother/s:
1

What are u wearing:
Polo tee under cardigan

Favorite Number
31

Favorite Drink
Java Chip Frappucino with Whipped Cream

Favorite Month:
December

Favorite Breakfast:
Pancakes

Have You EverBroken a bone:
No…Thank God!

Been on a boat:
Yup

Came close to dying:
Never

Swam in the ocean:
I suppose…I tried to, I think

Fallen asleep in school:Last time…

Broken someone's heart:
Plenty a times…but unintentionally

Cried when someone died:
Yeah

Fell off your chair:
Once… it was embarrassing

Sat by the phone:
I am not that desperate!

Saved emails?Don’t do that either…

Been cheated on:
Nope

Cheated on someone:
I wouldn’t do that in my wildest dream…

Cheated on the test:
Nope

What is-Your room like:
Purple oasis

Whats right beside you:
My headphones

What is the last thing you ate?Slice of bread

---Ever Had---

Chicken pox:
Yup

Sore throat:
Always

Stitches:
Luckily, no

Broken nose:Never

---Do You---

Like picnics:
Yeah…depends…

Like School:
Yeah

Who was the last person you danced with:
My sister

Who makes you smile:
Not telling!

---Who---

Did you last yell at:
My Sis!
Do you like yourself: Hell, yeah!

What are you listening to right now:
Step Up – Darin Zenyer

Hated someone in your family:
Nope

What car do you wish to have:
Lamborghini Gallardo – freaking fast!

Good singer:
Never been

Diamond or pearl:
Diamond

Indoors or outdoors:
Outdoors

---Today did you---
Talk to someone you like?
I always do

Who:
My family and friends

Get sick:
Nope

Sing:
Nope

Talked to an ex:
I don’t need to

Miss someone:
I don’t think so

---Last person who---

Was in your bed besides you:
My bro

Talked to on the phone:
Dad

Made you cry:
Nas

Went to the movies with:
My crew

You went to the mall with:
My aunt and siblings

Been to Europe:
Yeah...One day

Been to Asia:
I am in ASIA!?!?!

Been to Russia:
Would never want to.

Been to the Bahamas:
Nope

Been to Mexico:
Nope

Been to Canada:
Yeah

Been to Bangladesh:
Nope

Do you like someone at the moment:
Yeah :p

What books are you reading right now:
Princess Diaries book 4

Best feeling in the world:
To know that you have people you can turn to in times of need

Future kids names:
Aryan, Samaira, Zaibrahm

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal:
Too old for that!

Is there someone you can't stop thinking about:
Yeah…sadly

What was the best thing that happened to you last year:
I learnt major lessons from 2 major mistakes I made.

Do any of your friends annoy you:That’s what everyone normally does to make life interesting, innit?

Do you have a crush on somebody:
Yeah…Major

Who do you make fun of the most:
That girl in class

Do you think you've gotten prettier since grade school:
Yeah…and smarter too

Have you seen your best friend cry:
Nope…Not in front of me…She's bloody strong, I guess...

Do you and your best friend act alike:
We don’t have to…We are alike.

What is a noise that you cannot stand:
Awful Singing

What do you smell like right now:
Chanel No. 5

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong:
Nope

Who was the last person you held hands with:
:)

What makes you lose your appetite:
The colour of the food

Does your mom make you wear a winter coat:
Why would I wear a winter coat here in Singapore

Where do you shop the most for clothes:
Zara, Espirit and Pull &

Do your parents have a MySpace account:
Nope

Have your parents seen your MySpace page:
They must have peeked in…

Have you heard any compliments about yourself and from whom:
Yes… Myself!:P

Semi-consciously, unintentionally I have done wrong to my kin and I wasn’t aware about it till late. I am astounded myself that I could do something so ghastly that’s out of my preaching. Good thing she saw through me. She knows that a massive war still exists within. I refuse to accept what is in store for me. I am what I criticize others to be. But, truth be told, I am me – Kiran, Kiki, JayroquiL, whatever – which however, unfortunately, seems to be a hybrid of all I spite. I have been told I am hell different than what I pretended to be. To some, I am not myself and they don’t sound so contented with their judgment. Others prefer me this way. I get all kinds of feedback. People close to me say it on my face. I appreciate their honesty. I like it that way.

I just got one recently. Respects to her. No sarcasm intended here but I was shown my reflection in just mere words. And the funny thing is, I am not a tad disappointed or upset by what she said. Someday, someone had to point that out to me. I couldn’t do it myself. I am immuned to what people say. I am full of myself. Even now, I am smiling away as I write this. It just shows that I need someone good enough to tear this wall of conceit down to give me, me. She says she is not employed to do this. Okay, then let that be. It shows that I am at crossroads, alone. And I have to do this all myself. I guess, like she said, I have only myself to rely on. Let me point this out, I am not at all sour about it. Seriously.

Little feet pattering on your thigh. The sudden burst of internal warmth. The want to get it started. I can’t wait for it. I want to have my own.

Friendship is one of the loveliest bondage one can ever share with others in life. The feelings we experience and apprehend for the time served as friends are indescribable. The arduous yet ecstatic commitment that we practice, the tickle and fun that we gaily endure and the philosophies of life and times that we discuss intensely reinstates all the bonds that we have shared through our lifetime in times when friendships are put to test. But such can’t be experienced with all.

My criteria of friend don’t involve materialism at all. Never. My friend need not be of the same stature, religion or race as I am. Nor does he/she have to have good looks or a healthy body. All I ask for is a happy-go-lucky comrade with a lovely personality and modest mannerisms. With these criteria, I am capable of finding my kin, no doubt, but it is not highly possible that I will be able to hold on to them for long.

That’s where the most important thing in relationships comes into picture: sheer undying commitment. I am one who will commit all my efforts and energy I have to strengthen my bond with my friend in return for a similar sense of security, respect and support. I love people who cherish what they have and who don’t take life and friendship for granted; that should be the way – no one deserves to taken for granted. We all have our flaws but we are downright hypocritical in defining others’ negativeness; we don’t seem to be able to accept the person’s truth. A good friend should be able to accept me for who I am; no matter how sensitive, conceited or irritable I am (which by the way, I am not).

I dare not ask for more from my friends because I believe in equal and just compromising. Friendship is a two-way commitment and it can hold be adhered together by the forces of our devoted souls.

Been around all these years but no one ever gave a damn of what I said
Now they’re complaining that I don’t give them a chance to self-display
Circumstances are changing, no geek chooses to remain hush and discreet
‘Cause we’re the latest trend, being smart now is regarded a normal feat

I just hate to restate, but I’m proud to be one of the geeks
No one can hold me down; I have reached where I want to be.

You don’t know me,
JayRoQuiL is the name
You don’t know me,
I’m born for the game
You don’t know me,
Why don’t you take as I am
You don’t know me,
JayRoQuiL is the name


Stimulating contempt wherever unacceptably, I tend to show up
It’s sad you can’t accept the truth ‘cause none of us are ever going to give up
Have no disguised intentions to publicly expose what you mindless fools think
I’m proud to be one of the crew and this’ the time for the truth to be revealed.

Life starts to seem so just when I am filled with conceit and bliss
No one can hold me down; I have reached where I want to be.

You don’t know me,
JayRoQuiL is the name
You don’t know me,
I’m born for the game
You don’t know me,
Why don’t you take as I am
You don’t know me,
JayRoQuiL is the name

Who would have thought that I'm such a lover...haha...

Undead...Love the ring to that! Though I don't understand why I have to be a jealous undead.

I knew I was a genius...This has proven it...Lol

p.s.: Thanks Nas for the website.

The past two days have been very tiring. I didn't get the chance to go to school due to some circumstances and I haven't gotten enough sleep since last night. I slept at 2.30 am only to wake up at 5.30 am to realise that I was having a terrible headache. Great! Missed another day of school. I couldn't even go out with my friends to watch Transformers.

I have been doing nothing at home and yet I feel like I have strained myself to work the whole day. Other than resting, I have been watching TV all day (I think Joshua Jackson was freaking cute 10 years back - now he looks like every other old American).

It's really exhausting to be bored - I can't even think of anything interesting to blog.

Syndagaihaetosis
Want to know what it is?
Break it down in syllables.
Syn-da-gai-hae-to-sis (Seen the guy I hate to see – s)
This is a disorder where a bunch of feelings are just too overwhelming to be controlled when we are faced with the shadows of yesterday.

PITY
ABHORRENCE
DISGUST
SARCASM
APATHY

That’s what I felt for him and towards him.
To think of it, it's ridiculous of me to have ever thought of him in the other way.
Sheesh!

What a waste!

As the song goes “Sorry seems to be the hardest word”, a laugh escapes.

In the past three weeks, the number of times I have ranted out sincere apologies is no match to the number of times I have been apologized to. Unbelievable, you say. Believe it. I have been condemning myself so much – always thinking that I am in the wrong even when I’m aware I’m not – that I disgust myself. There was a time when I spite that word and refused to apologize to anybody (especially when I never was involved in anything). Now it seems, I get caught in the smallest of matters unwillingly and ‘sorry’ just escapes my tongue here and then.

Jay’s always been saying I have changed, dumping my uninteresting past in a corner for no one to see. I am starting to feel that way too. I don’t think I need to erase my history to be accepted. I was so full of myself then and I knew I never had to say sorry (ironic isn’t it?), now I tend to be humbled down by almost anything. Weird and Sickening, isn't it?