If I had known that you had been living in my shadow all this while, I would have never let that come upon you. I didn't even know my shadow existed in the first place. I'm sorry if you had to go through alot because of me. I'd never thought that my ambitions would be such a weight on the people I love. You have every right to hate me, I am not complaining, but I really love you and I can't take the fact that I am the reason you have to go through all of these. For a decade, you endured the favouritism and I wasn't even aware of it till recent times. I'm cool with what you told me last night, but it's still on my mind.

Punjabi mindset is such, izzat matters more than the welfare of the family. Reputation is all everyone cares about. All you ever hear people (some of the budiyan; no disrespect intended) talking about is "So-and-so's granddaughter is wayward" or ""So-and-so's grandson is doing this and that" etc. And all that in the vicinity of the gurudwara. What is it now, a gossip forum? Disgusting. I am not surprised, some of my friends hardly go to the temple because of these. It's sick.

She's the epitome of a perfect daughter and grand-daughter, and yet she's under-appreciated and overlooked. What she's suspected of is what I am guilty of doing. It's unfair.

Someone wise once said, "Opportunities knock only once; you either confess when you have the ball in your court, or you regret keeping mum throughout your life."

I don't want to have any regrets. But I am not very much in the right position to just approach him to confess. It's true what many say, I don't know him well. And due respect to him, it will be an insult if I just say it out of the blue. Honestly, it's different this time around. It's something I have never felt before. But, I don't want to hurt anybody.

You know something,G, I really really like you; it's deeper than its seems. I shan't use the word, but yeah, that's it.

Yesterday, everything was going normal until Fidah suggested we should donate blood. I was like, "Nice thought." So with that impulse, I just got out of the class without a second thought. It wasn't until we were at one of the Agora halls that "God! I'm scared of needles!" suddenly dawned on me. From then till the point when I had to prick my finger, I was hoping I'd be rejected. Better than chicken-ing out, innit? And, yeah, finger pricking, the pain comes only when they milk the finger for blood. We got rejected; my Hb level wasn't enough - Yay me!?! - and her vein was too small.


I may not be the only one who thinks I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time, and obviously in the wrong field. Yet it seems I made the right decision. But I'm always complaining of being bored and restricted. Yet the competition is entertaining . Truth be told, this is so confusing.


People have been right and my skepticism has been proven wrong. I admit, the feeling's not that bad after all.

If I were in his place, and if I had heard what people knew him as, I'd be seriously upset. I mean, after all the years of making a reputation, and then unknowingly, losing it once I have graduated, might come as a blow to me. I mean if my name isn't familiar even with the seniors now and people basically know me by my temporary profession, it's kind of disturbing.

Oh well, I do feel it, in some way or another.


And today, I suppose I managed to nail that grade in genomics. It was like one of those lessons when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Like *Bam! "Yeah, I know this crap!"* That kinda a thing.


Sometimes, contentment isn't derived out of self-appreciation. Try appreciating your people for a change. It's never nice to feel under-appreciated since so much has to be sacrificed and compromised for your welfare. I'd know, it sucks. And yeah, you know something, just hope you don't lose anything with one momentary mistake because it'll take a whole lifetime to gain it back, and I'm being dead honest here.

I tell you, some people ah, macam big-time loser sial. They're so intimidated by the simplest things that they have to build a wall of personal attacks at the stronger fella. And worse, their brash-ness, wah lau, like they own the freaking world, sial. This kinda people are bloody crude boors. I don't know why they think they are some big shit or something. I mean there's something called "SHUT UP", which I think, they've never heard of before. Really la, all they make you wish for is the patience to tune them out all the time and, most importantly, the moment when they face a hardcore problem and kena aper on their face, big time, sial. That will be the bomb! I can already imagine myself being the first one to snigger or laugh out loud, depending on my mood.

Now, this is a rant. Thank god, I finally let it out.

I think fidah tagged me long time ago....can't remember when....but for the fun of it...

Name 20 people you can think of right now.Don't read the questions till you've named the 20 peoples.
At the end of this choose 3 peeps to do this

1. Sharan
2. Amman
3. Pavan
4. Simmran
5. Karan
6.Sharan Sandhu
7. Simran Sandhu
8. Asvin
9. Samantha
10.Sarah Rosli
11.Aruna
12.Fidah
13. Sarah
14.Noor
15.Ally
16.Najib
17.Pooja
18.Hanani
19.Vanessa
20.Gulshan

How did you meet #14?
- I think, officially, a day before my birthday.

What would you do if you hadn't met #1?
- I can’t imagine life without her. I don’t know what I would have done. If I am sane and well-behaved, it’s all because of her.

What if #9 and #20 dated?
- Hahaha. Ok, if this ever happened, err......I think, let it happen, then we'll see how...

What if #6th and #17th dated?
- They can’t stand each other but strangely enough, 17th is deeply attached to 6th's sibling.

Describe #3- well.
- Tall, Dark, Handsome and he’ll always be my little lil’ bro. And who can forget, Critic Roshan.

Is number #8 attractive?
- Haha, yeah! *Heard that pai!

Decribe #7
- #7 is the dude. She so similar to me in everything. Music. Fashion. Personality. We have great fun at parties.

Do you know any of #12's family members?
- Nope…Seen them but never met them personally.

What will you do if #18th confesses that he loves you?
- Why would she do that?

What language does #15 speak?
- English and Malay, though at times he tries to use Punjabi and Hindi to talk to us with the weirdest words at the wrong time.

Who is #9 going out with?
- No One...

How old is #16?
- 20

When was the last time you spoke to #13?
- Last week

Who is the favourite singer/band of #2?
- Linking Park, Maroon 5

Have you ever dated #4?
- Haha...Yeah, we go for kiddy rides together. Lol

Would you ever date #1?
- I’ll be scared to. Her personality wouldn’t suit a guy and she’s better off as a girl. I mean can you imagine her anger if she’s a guy.

Is #19 single?
- I don’t know

What's #10 last name?
- Nur Sarah. That’s her full name, no last name.

Would you ever be in a relationship with #11?
- Never. We are not homos. She my close friend and that’s sufficient.

What's the school of #3?
- Raffles' Instituion

Where does #6 live?
- Bedok North

What's your favourite thing about #7?
- I love her attitude about everything in life.

Have you ever seen #2 naked?
- Yeah, when he was a kid.

The people to do this.
- Whoever feels like doing it, go ahead.

nice eh...I can actually spell it out...finally. lol

Anyway, that wasn't the reason for this post. Actually, I have no reason to post anything at all. I am just bored out of my wits. One thing I'm sure of, when I lose interest, I'll literally be lost in my own thoughts for the rest of the time.

Anyway, being jayded, as usual, I have chosen to write my crew's name in punjabi, instead of listening to presentations. I still think I'm not meant for Biomedical Science. Creativity is my forte, honestly. If it hadn't been for ambitious goals and my interest in biology, I wouldn't have chosen Biomed. I mean who gets all hyped for microbes or proteins or the human genome. I can't even see myself in the lab. So mundane.

So the RP crew (in alphabetical order)
Ally - ਆਲੀ
Aruna - ਅਰੂਨਾ
Asvin - ਐਸਵੀਨ
Noor - ਨੂਰ
Rafidah - ਰਾਫੀਡਾ
Samantha - ਸਮੈਂਤਾ
Sarah - ਸੈਰਾ
Yohanis - ਯੋਹਾਨਿਸ

Can tell how bored I am...

UTs over. Such a relieve.

School's been kinda cool nowadays, strangely better than the previous semester.

Fyp report submission has been postponed, but it ain't doing any good to my worry buildup 'cause I have yet to recieve it. Yeah, it seems my weekends going too. I had to cancel some plans. I feel so bad.

And yeah aru, "could you like go to NUS and study with me together..." haha, macam study date eh, and best part, during poly! LOL...Dude, that's so naive! Cute!

Certain times, some small things just tend to kind of improve my mood.

On monday, genomics was once again killing me with its mundaness and it wasn't helping that the lesson was supposed to be in the UT and I couldn't even pay attention. But a nice conversation with nice people and birthday anticipations with the crew (which unfortunaly, I wouldn't be attending during the night), just lifted my mood.

But one thing I can say, I am a conversation neophyte, I really don't know how to talk about stuff.

And yeah, I screwed my Med micro UT. My whole answer just disappeared from the screen for some reason, and I ended up wasting time, typing it again. Oh well, bad luck. What can I say.

I just hope for this genomics, I nail it this time.

This quotes are sick. Oscar Wilde's the man!

“I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited"

“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”

“I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about.”

The best of all:

“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.”

I got my first freaking E for genomics ut. A cherry atop the icing. Great! Pshh...

So screwed.

So, this’s the deal.

As strange as it might seem, and sudden too, I think I’m over my relapse all right. I don’t know what it was or who it was that just snapped me out of the superficial excitement I was living in (though I do miss the anticipation and thrill of it all, more likely, the whole package), but one thing I know, I feel different.

It’s like I have no restrictions whatsoever (perhaps, I’m just not bothered).

Perhaps it’s just the numerous deadlines that have steered my attention away from that. Talking of which, I haven’t received any reply from my advisor about my report draft and the deadline’s like next week.

EMP’s expecting me and my group to perform by next Wednesday. I mean, where’s the group? I can’t even contact them. And I don’t know nuts about instruments – minus the piano, which I learnt using numbers (I know, it’s strange, but I can’t remember otherwise).

And she’s back for sure. * I didn’t forget you, I just lost hope that you’d return. Don’t blame me, if I doubt it’s you who added me, and not some poser, yeah.


You know something, I’m seriously very much enthralled. :)

"Rumor has it that an acquaintance, aged 17, is planning to run away to get hitched to her boyfriend of 6 months and impregnate herself, just to rebel her parents who are seemingly too harsh on her, so as she claimed. The best part, she has not even completed her O' Levels (nor has her boyfriend completed his NITEC) so she is still dependent on her folks for her survival, yet she's thinking of ditching her folks and starting her own family. Inconsolable and adamant that she is, she's not willing to change her mind."
-GossipBoy-

Why am I not surprised that this was to happen some day?

Rab hi edha bhala kare. God.

Jayroquil's back with another original production after a week of brainstorming and idea development. The music's all in my mind, I just need the skills to bring that out. Check this out.

JRQ Prod™: It Ain’t Right

Verse 1
I can’t believe it, girl
You’ve been making me sound like I was cynical
Desperate to push you out of my sleazy world
Which you openly claimed just wasn’t love

And you told your crew,
Exaggerating everything that you’ve been through
Getting every brainwashed soul just to side you
Tell me why’d you want to erase the truth

Chorus
Come on, girl, it ain’t right
Why’d you pretend it doesn’t matter
Stick to the truth, it ain’t right
When you try change the chapter
Since I’d walked away, walked away
Since I’d walked away, walked away

Verse 2
Almost everyday,
I’m checking your space and all you ever say
That you’ve fallen deeper for me since I went away.
Keeping track of me like I’m ever going to stay.

What this hypocrisy?
Changing stories whenever you get to talk about me
Acting on your space like this’ always meant to be.
Yet making a fuss for all to see.

Chorus