It's been a major long and busy week.

gpa's out, class allocation is out (and one look at the modules, I wanna kill myself)

basically most of the week was spent with family. wednesday, gathered at my uncle's place to cook some of the indian sweets (no occassion).

school's going to start next week. shit.

and I bored with it...


anyways, today's planned to be a blast.
rain or shine, I know the crew's gonna make it a bomb.

Just at the time when I thought I could just hear you out and move on, you had to involve Sharan and then blame me for messing up this friendship.

Again and again and again, you bring me to my weakest point.

For the first time in my life, you brought me to tears over this stupid matter.

I sound like a wimp for crying out loud, but I feel so cheated.


All this while, talking to him, I can't believe I had to put up a fake front to sound like I was enjoying my nonchalant fooling around during our conversation when within I was trying all I could to cope with his remarks at my unintended comments (aj, sach kavaan, remarks dil nu teer vaang chubde si, strangely), especially when I couldn't feel any down than you already made me.

For once, I hate this rain. It ain't right today.

I treated you like a fren too, but you totally lost contact with me…I called your number, smsed so many times, no reply…what do you expect me to do; wait like a fool…holding on to what, memories?!?!?!? I had fucking nightmares of what happened to you…fucking worried about what happened to you…did you even care to just call back like you promised two Junes ago and just tell me you’re doing good or bad…

If you are having a difficulty juggling life, it ain’t that easy here either. Why don’t you get this? I’m just upset that that you disregarded us for two years. Whatever circumstances you left me under, did you even realise how cheated I felt when you broke your promise? Don’t I even have the right to feel upset? I ain’t fucking things up, I never did.

And if you needed a friend, couldn’t you just call, email, whatsoever? Fuck…you left me feeling like fuck, and when you needed me most, you didn’t even give me the fucking chance to be there?

Don’t I have this right to be upset?

You may not be the Jas I used to know, but I’m definitely not the Kiran I ever was. – I fight to win, life’s the game I play well. I waited 2 years of my life to settle these aspects, and I won’t move on till it’s done for.

Now let me get this straight,
Which ass said “war cries” are scary?

Because, right now, whatever war cry I have heard sounds more like that of a sheep in wolf’s skin (yeah, you heard that right…my English ain’t gone).

It’s all surface.

Take the Olympic weightlifters for example. Or a more known fact, the All Blacks War Cry before their game. It’s entertaining, it’s amusing; but scary?


Just a word of advice/thought/whatever-crap: Silence is Golden. At least, it’s worth the watch.



Everyday, I patiently wait,
Feeling like a fool but I do anyway
Nothing can feel as sweet and as real
‘Cause Something tells me this ain’t all in vain

Countless thoughts a night, it’s true

This aint a game of Chinese Checkers, it's Chess.



In the end, winning is all that matters.

I am more than grateful to have such a family.

What happened over the last few days even despite minor differences showed many attributes of how close we are.

xelia.flickr

Not a day goes by without, you know, thinking of him. I am delusional, I'd say - but I can't help it - and truth be told, I am enjoying every moment of it, every day. It's funny how many think the opposite, really funny. Like I said before, I think I am sure going to surprise my friends if they get to know how serious I am this time.

After such a long hiatus, I managed to get out of my shyness.
Inhey chir baad main G naal gal kitti.

It was short; my bad actually since I had to go prayers. But, I felt so…erm…relieved, elated, everything good. :)

I dreamt of G again.
I guess I am really missing him.

It was a good start to morning :)

THE FINAL PRAYER
Kirtan Sohila - Sikh Prayer - Line By Line Translation

http://media.desishock.com/

8:00 - 030808
God ended her suffering finally.

I'm in great denial, I guess. It just happened too suddenly. And it’s been happening too fast.
Just on Saturday, she could recognise us all. And within just a period of 12 hours, she left us.

I still remember that Diwali evening, the only one such occasion vividly etched in my mind. As part of family visiting, we had stopped over at Baybayji’s house to have a round of drinks as well as get our ashirwaad from the elders. The very two, who are now dearly missed, were in the best of health. DaddyChacha Ji was his usual self, cracking jokes amidst the few of his bouts of the smoker’s cough. We were scared of him, but he never stopped making us feel at ease. Baybayji offered us drinks in the kitchen. I remember seeing her happiness on her face as she walked although slowly from the refrigerator to the sink to pour the drinks in glasses – it wasn’t always we got to see each other on a regular basis. That night, until now, keeps reminding me of those times when the family seemed so complete.

Rest in peace, my dear one.

Imagine cuddling the picture of the very person who used to cuddle you when you were a baby.

It’s starting to sink in.
I am missing every bit of the time she was with us. And I feel really really weird. I miss her.