Before anyone judges anyway else, I'm just talking about gym....
(dun go nudging me in my ribs all...going....eh'eh, naughty naughty)

I keep asking myself, what the hell was I doing until now...all this while, I had a freaking gym near my place, but never got my ass out of my room to patronize it...and now, I feel like its becoming a hobby...the pain is pleasurable...make you wanna stay in bed and do nothing...kinda ironic...but the magic's working....lol...soon I wanna beat that ass of Harinder at arm wrestling...*Indian ego*...stupid guy...

and lately, of all things to do, I have been thinking quite often...like literally asking myself if I am serious with this or that....I hate this process....like its not the right time to be doing that, amidst all the adaptation and revision...it seems like I have thought about almost everything (maybe, maybe not)...

I don't wanna do medicine anymore...I don't really see myself becoming that kinda doctor...and I don't have the patience... I kinda like research...I mean at least I see myself being somewhere...being a doc is so cliche..."mummy, papa, I wanna be a doctor"....sick....

I don't wanna oblige to anyone anymore...it's laborious and taxing...I'm sick and tired of returning favours that are way bigger than what I normally asked for...I feel weighed down by a phantom load.

I don't wanna be surrounded by narcissism anymore....it's sickening to know people only care about themselves...where's chivalry...where's respect...where's the fucking courtesy...i feel claustrophobic....like get out of my way if you don't care la...urghhh

I don't wanna think about my family so often...because it makes me wanna cry myself to sleep...it always gives me those shivers, and I end up tearing...it's worse when I am not surrounded by people I grew up with...I feel...I don't know..lonely...

I don't wanna move on from where I am...because, this time, I know it's fucking serious...and I am afraid to be lost in transition...I don't know why I do this to myself...I knew what I was getting myself into and I took the risk...no matter how much I try to distract, it keeps staring me in my face...I have to stop denying...

I don't wanna think about my future no more...because I am scared...because, unlike many others, I don't know what I wanna do...I really don't know...

and, I don't wanna think anymore...it's confusing and it brings back all the emotions that I don't wanna be associated with.